Overwhelmed

I am starting to feel very overwhelmed. I only have three more nights here (including tonight) and I have to go back to Lubbock on Wednesday early in the morning. Not only that, I have to go back to Lubbock by myself, for four meetings over a week and a half with nothing to do the rest of the days. Thankfully my Gran is going to be there at the same time, so I will get to see her over the weekend, which is nice. I will also get to see a lot of my friends whom I have not seen in several months, which will also be nice. But nothing quite makes up for Jason not being there, you know? It is just very stressful.

Also, we are starting to plan our first remodel. We are going to remodel the guest (hall) bathroom. It is the first time we are going to rip something up in the house and I won't get to be here at all. Hopefully I will have time before I leave to help pick out tile and countertops and things like that, but chances are slim. I will just have to find time when I come back over the weekends to do things like that. I won't even get to help do the project very much, which is also kinda not good. I guess Jason will get to do a lot, though, and since he didn't get to help doing the painting and things like that this will make up for it. I just want to be here for those things. it is a good thing I will be coming home so often, though, so I won't feel completely out of the loop.

And, on top of everything, I am starting to get a little worried about my sister. She is having a harder time being on her own than I thought. She is getting stressed out being around Jordan all the time, with no helpers, and I am afraid that is going to make her be an irritated person all the time. I know she won't do anything that will hurt Jordan or anything like that, but I am still worried for her mental health. She is a great mom, considering her circumstances, because apparently it is very tough being around a child all day even if there are two parents around. She had a doctor's appointment yesterday and her baby's dad went with her. I can't decide how I feel about it because it is his baby too (she thinks...), and he has a right to be at the appointments just as much as she does, but I can't stand the thought of her being with him. I am pretty sure they are not together right now, but her being alone is a huge invitation for someone to come keep her company because she hates being lonely. I am just concerned she is going to do something crazy and eventually get herself in a situation that is not good for her or the babies. It is just a little dicey, and I hope she does OK with the situation, at least until my parents get back from their vacation because then she can hang out with them when she gets lonely instead of this guy. I feel a little guilty about leaving because her and I are getting much closer than we have been in a long time, and I feel like if I am here she can come to me when she is lonely and not him, but I can't be because I have to do what is best for me. It is just a little stressful and I don't want to feel culpable if something bad happens.

So, these are all the things that are going through my head right now. As I said, I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things going on, and I am just trying to take everything one situation at a time. I know God can help me through it, but I have to remember to rely on Him, and not myself. He is always good to me, and I am so thankful for that, even when things get a little tough and out of (my) hand. Please help me once again, Lord!