Tuesday, September 3, 2013

God's mercies

I know I just posted about our trip so far, but I feel like I left out some important parts, like how we are all feeling through this. Jason went home yesterday so he could work one more week before our family expands, and my mom came out to help me with Levi this week. Levi is napping right now and my mom is doing laundry, so I’ve been sitting in the room doing a lot of thinking. Most of my thoughts revolve around how faithful God is. First of all, He made sure that we found out about Alexis’s heart well in advance. We have been able to process everything and plan for it. He allowed for us to make provisions for her and plan her medical care down to the day she will be born (unless she decides to come early, of course!). He put a peace in our hearts about Children’s Hospital Colorado and about the doctors that will be taking care of Lexi in those first few precious weeks of her life. He just continues to take care of us, and for that I am so grateful! ***** Most people don’t know this, but it took us several month to get pregnant this time around. I was hoping for another May baby so I could have the summer off and possibly go back to work the following school year. Well, obviously that didn’t happen. Once we found out we were due in September, we had to make the decision as to whether I would start the school year and then take off for a few weeks, take the whole first semester off and return in January, or take the whole year off. Since my Premier Designs jewelry business was doing well, we decided I could just take the whole year off. Fast forward to May. On May 3 (Levi’s birthday!) we had our 20 week ultrasound. This is supposed to be the only on we have, but because the baby wasn’t in the right spot to get all of the required pictures, we had to go back in 4 weeks. At the 20 week scan the technician told us we were having a girl! May 20- my best friend has a baby girl of her own! I was so excited and it was such fun time getting to see her become a mommy again. May 22- the last day of school. This is supposed to be an incredible day full of fun, laughter, and good memories. Unfortunately, that day will always be tainted by the loss of a very close friend and colleague. She passed away in her sleep and I think about her every single day. She was so excited that I was going to have a little girl and was always doing sweet things for me and the baby. We (all of our colleagues) were devastated by the news and I can’t imagine being at work this year but not having her across the all from me. (Secret blessing: that I decided to take the year off before knowing of her passing.) May 31- Memorial service held for my friend and our 24 week ultrasound right after that. They were actually running ahead of schedule so Jason wasn’t quite there yet when I was called back. (Read “Alexis’s Heart” for the full story) They told us we needed to come back Monday for another scan, specifically related to the heart. We thought about it all weekend (during a baby shower for two family members) and convinced ourselves it was probably nothing. We found out on Monday that it was, indeed, a VERY big deal. (Secret blessing: we were not weighed down by knowing the seriousness of the problem while celebrating my friend’s life or the new babies that would soon be born.) June 3- We learn the diagnosis is HLHS. The cardiologist we see the same week walks us through what he anticipates our journey to be. We realize now that it is a very good thing that I will not be returning to work at all (remember how frustrated I was with my September due date?) because not only will Alexis need surgery in a few days, but again in 6ish months. All of a sudden God’s plan is becoming very obvious, and it is clear He wants the best for us. *****Yes, what is happening to Alexis is very scary, and we don’t know why this condition has been given to OUR daughter, but we already know that God is helping us through it. He has orchestrated all of these events to be laid out in such a way that we are able to cope with them more easily and at a better time for us than when they “should” have happened. We “should” have never even found out about her HLHS because it wasn’t detected on what is normally the one and only ultrasound. We “should” have found out the day of the second ultrasound but because it was a Friday afternoon, we had to wait until Monday and were able to assume it wasn’t a huge deal during the baby shower. I “should” have gotten pregnant the first month we tried, like we did with Levi, so I could have a May baby and go back to work in the fall. See what I mean? God protected us from so many things, mainly our human emotions and decision-making skills, and proved to us that He CLEARLY knows our needs better than we do. Because of all of these things, we know that He has an enormous plan for Alexis, and will use her to do mighty things. She is already proving to be strong and feisty, and we will see in one week exactly how strong and feisty she is. ***** I had my first round of appointments today, including an OB appointment and a non-stress test (they just check her heartbeat and make sure it goes up and down like it is supposed to). Levi loves having his Nana around! He has not adjusted quite as well as we had hoped he would, but I know that kids are resilient and as long as we keep things as normal as possible for him he will do fine. I will continue the updates when I have more information or if things start happening. I’ve realized that blogging is kind of therapeutic, so forgive me if they get a little introspective at times.

1 comment:

  1. I am reading with tears in my eyes. It is always such an amazing testimony how God uses these things in our lives to shine to others. God Bless you and your beautiful family Leslee. I look forward to seeing the plan God has for all of you!

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