One more week

I simply can't believe that in one week I will be uprooting my life to relocate to Denver for an unknown amount of time, but a minimum of 6 weeks. Jason will not be with me the whole time, but Levi will. One week and 3 days into the relocation a new family member will be added. That is the scariest part. I've had a hard time with my emotions because I'm so tired of being pregnant, but at the same time I know that having Alexis and finally meeting her is just the beginning of the pain and struggles we will go through as a family through this journey. I so badly want to meet her and hold her, but I know she is safe inside of me and for that reason I just want her to stay put as long as possible. I know I can't delay time indefinitely, and that September 9th will be here before we know it, but it has felt so far away for so long and now it feels like it is right here. I keep telling myself, "my baby girl is going to need open heart surgery" but that doesn't make sense in my human mind. How can something that is supposed to be so perfect, something that I feel squirming around inside of me at this very moment, be so so sick? So sick that she will die if we don't do the dreaded surgery. Then I tell myself that God has a magnificent plan for her life, and He is going to use her for amazing things in the future. I so badly wish I could go through the surgery for her, or that she didn't need surgery at all, but maybe that is required so she can tell a specific story and impact the most people through it. ***** Jason and I have started to talk about our plan for while we were there. Things like who is going to spend time at the hospital and who is going to stay with Levi? When is Levi going to come visit Alexis? Should I stay at the hospital the first couple of nights, until her surgery, so she can breastfeed as often as she needs to? Or should I go to our place to sleep because I will sleep better? What kinds of things can we do that are close to the hospital, just in case we need to get back there quickly, but still spend time together as a family while she is recovering? We don't know the answers to any of these questions yet, and for those of you who know how much of a planner I am, you know that is causing even more stress. My mom thinks we are fighting an uphill battle trying to plan anything, but I explained to her that trying to plan is keeping me sane. Even if nothing goes the way we think it will, at least we are not sitting idly by while the date just gets closer and closer. ***** One week, that's it. Our prayers at the moment are for an easy travel day when we leave, a quick and uneventful delivery, and that Alexis is even stronger than the doctors are anticipating when she is born. We are also praying that our relationship just gets stronger through this massive trial. Jason and I will do whatever it takes for our family, and we know that the strain is going to be tremendous, so we just pray that we continue to seek the Lord through every decision, every day, and that we can trust Him every moment of every day. We also pray that Levi is as resilient as we think he will be, and that we can continue to be the best parents possible to him through this as well.