21 weeks and Christmas

Those are the big things that happened in the last couple of days. Since we found out we are having a boy we have been sharing the news with all of the family and friends we have been around in the last few days. It makes it seem so much more real now that we know he is a he, and we can call him a him now, rather than just "squishy" like Jason calls him. We even got some baby Christmas presents from the grandmas (a baby photo album, socks, a bib, and a glider rocker). We haven't bought anything for him yet, because, while we like to plan ahead, we want to make sure of what we want before we go buy anything. Having the rocker is very exciting, though, because it was one of those things I really wanted but probably would not have bought for myself, so thanks mom! 21 weeks means the countdown is officially in the teens. Can that be real? I can't believe it. I have another ultrasound coming up in about 3 weeks and I can't wait to see our little guy again.

I'm starting to feel nervous about what it is going to mean to be a mom to a newborn. I know how much work they can be from an outsider's point of view, because I have never been around an infant for any length of time to see what all it really takes. Like I said, I understand the idea and can kinda get a feel for it, but I'm totally unprepared for the total exhaustion that is going to come along with motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to be a mother for a long time, especially since Jason and I got married 4.5 years ago, but the reality is starting to sink in and all I can think about is that I just want to do a good job and not mess up. I know, I know, every parent messes up here and there, but I still don't want to :-) All I can think about is, "will I be a good mom?" "How will I make sure I raise a God-fearing, God-honoring son who is respectful to everyone and places the Lord before all else?" "What am I going to do when I am so tired I can't stand up anymore but he still needs things from me and to be taken care of?" Yeah, the list goes on and on. It is very daunting but I keep reminding myself that this is God's plan for Jason and I, and He would not have given this beautiful baby boy to us if He wasn't going to equip us for the job. All I can say is, "Lord, make me strong and help me be the mother I need to be for my son."